I just returned home from the Pali-High fireworks display. It represented a few firsts for me, first 4th as someone out of the nest, first time going to something like that by myself, first LA public event. I was hesitant to go, in part because I'm so attached to the Siesta Key tradition, and miss those people and that place so much. Also, I spent last July 4th lying in a hospital bed with my grandmother, and as hard a time as that was, it has been even harder living in a world where she is not. I know she was in pain, I know she's in a better place, and I truly believe that she is helping me wherever she can. But still, thoughts of those last months make me so sad, I wasn't sure if it was worth the effort to go out and try to mingle with the merrymakers. |
So, I compromised. I spent the day in my pajamas, watching Remington Steele like she and I used to do. Like I did with my Grandfather when I was too young to remember. I ate triscuits and cheese, which she used to fix me as a snack, and a looked at my garden. I thought about her and I cried, and I remembered moments in the show where she had laughed, and I laughed for her. It was bitter sweet, but therapeutic. Then, I did what I knew she'd want, got dressed in red and blue, and walked down to the high school football field to join in the festivities.
It's a familiar feeling for me, being alone in a crowd of people who are not, but that doesn't make it easier. I talked on the phone, and tried to look inconspicuous, or at least, not to look lonely. I stared in strange fascination at the plastic grass on which I was sitting (Olli informed me that this was astroturf, a word I've heard, but I'd never actually considered what it was. The future, it would seem, is now.) Reclined on the synthetic field, cast in the unearthly glow of the bright stadium lights, trying to be lady-like in my pencil skirt, surrounded by families and groups of friends and happy couples, the moments preceding the main event passed slowly and awkwardly, and I began to wonder if my coming had been a mistake.
But then, the lights switched off, "America" from West Side Story came over the loudspeakers and the show began. Under the cover of night, I gazed in unabashed awe at the grand spectacle above me. I listened with delight, and perhaps a hint of envy, to the family next to me, oohing and awing together and guessing at what color the next explosion would be. Whatever air of sophistication and cool removal I may have acquired, it is a superficial quality that lifts easily in the presence of such simple joys. There may be wistfulness, but no cynicism.
And as I sat, listening to Fanfare for the Common Man and watching the sparkling sky above me, it occurred to me that this is my American dream. The reason I refused to consider it when my parents suggested moving to Europe. The reason I've risked so much and done so much to be here. I may not be living it just yet, but the fact that I'm seeing the fireworks breaking over the Los Angeles mountains seems like a solid step in the right direction.
Current Music: James Taylor - Never Die Young
In case you were wondering, it's Ray Harryhausen's 88th bday. And he's producing an upcoming action adventure flick. I can't say that I see his style working in the 21st century, but if Sidney Lumet can do it... then again, Lumet has (almost) always been brilliant, and Harryhausen has always been... somewhat less high brow. But, I've got to say, I'm intrigued. |
Alright, octogenarians, it's on!
Current Music: Bob Marley - Redemption Song
A) I saw Gov. Schwarzenegger at the farmers' market today|
B) I'm posting some pictures of my LA experience
C) I love Donovan
(The view from my bedroom window)
( More PicturesCollapse )
ps - If you have any ideas for 4th of July themed kids art project, don't be shy about sharing them.
Current Music: Jethro Tull, Songs From The Wood
OMG, am I posting on live journal? Well, it occurred to me tonight that my standard excuse of being super busy is no longer valid. I'm living a life of leisure in southern california, and am bored out of my mind. |
Quickly, for those of you not up-to-date, I am living in LA working at a Malibu area summer camp, teaching arts and crafts. This gig and rental situation are just for the summer, but if other opportunities arise, I may stay.
It's a very strange feeling. I love it here. It's beautiful and floral and the weather is perfect. It's mountains, and beaches, and trees! It's the fantasy land of my dreams! It's cinema, and I love it. I feel like I could fit here.
However, at the moment, I don't really know anyone, and I don't have a car yet, so aside from work, church, the library and the drugstore I don't really go anywhere. I come home and I sit and read mysteries and watch television. I'm homesick and sad, and I cry and miss everyone and everything about Sarasota (even the things I don't like). I miss sitting at my desk at the Apple and knowing exactly what was required of me, even though I was bored by it.
It's hard to reconcile my desire to run home with my growing understanding that is probably where I belong. Loneliness is a strange emotion. It makes me tired. Hmmmmmm...
Anyway, those are my thoughts. I miss you all. Comment, or call or e-mail or whatever. Even better, come visit. It's nice here, I swear.
Bored at work... not that Millie isn't a joy to listen to, but every night can become a bit much, as all shows eventually do. Except maybe Urinietown, I enjoyed listening to that almost every shift. |
Anyway, I haven't been here (live journal, not the BO, unfortunately) in a while. Olli's birthday last night was awesome, as those of you who were present can attest. Bowling is a gunius party activity. I <3 Gretel. And, you know, all the rest of you. Having so many people that I love but rarely see all in one place makes my heart happy.
Today marks the big changing of the guard as far as my roommates are concerned, which bums me out. I don't like change and I don't like moving... but I do like Jacke, so that's a plus. I'm just in a really downer sort of mood today. I think it's partly coming down from the party last night, and the days of crazy crafting on Olli's present, combined with some legit baddness in my world, and the beginnings of a soar throat.
It's intermission now, and I must go.
Why does it matter to me so much that I get the approval of people I find personally repugnant? This is something I should work on.|
In other news, I'm hungry, tired, have a skinned kneee, and am now known in some circles as "cheese-ass." However, I was also told last night that I am a human intoxicant, which I like. And, I recieved many flowers... so I guess that balances things out.
My cranberry juice has arrived, and I must go.
May the force be with you.
Why do no stores in my area carry Milkfuls? Why is classic bluegrass so hard to procure online? When are overalls going to be fashionable again? These questions and many others have occupied me in recent days.|
Two nights ago I was driving back from work, and I stopped off at Walgreens, because they have the largest candy section of any local drug store, and I had spent several days prior dreaming about milkfuls. I seriously walked up and down the candy isle for ten minues examining every single bag until I finally accepted that they, in fact, had no milkfuls. I genuinely started tearing up, and then Olli called me, and I told him what was happening, and that I felt like Sarah Leonard with the ham sandwich. He told me that in life we each have our own ham sandwich to bear, and I decided that this was very wise. What was not so wise, however, was that he had never heard of milkfuls, and neither had the cashier at wallgreens, nor any of the millions of people who were in my house when I arrived. The only person with any familiarity with the candy was my mother, who merely remembered that in my mid-teens I had been "obsessed with them". I tried to google milkfuls, and I actually found websites maligning them. What is going on with the world? Why does no one love milkfuls as I do? If any of you know of any store that still carries milkfuls, please tell me!
Also, why does no one online have John Hartford singing "Vamp In the Middle"? iTunes had some Hartford, but their only version of that song was some racketty modern cover with very little fiddle, which totally defeats the whole purpose of the song. I had even worse luck with Kazaa, which had no John Hartford whatsoever. What the hell?
In other news, I wore overalls all day yesterday and was very comfortable. I also did my final exit paperwork from New College, and finally found that Ani DiFranco song that I like (incidentally, it was "Soft Shoulder"). Also, I found out that the third season of Moonlighting has been out on DVD for months, and although I was apparently too busy to notice at the time, I am now more than capable of making the most of this delicious treat from the universe. And, lj has apparently given me the gift of oodles of new icons. So, good things are happening for me.
So, until next time... may the force be with you all.
Current Music: The real version of "Vamp in the Middle" playing in my head
It's 84 degrees outside today, but much cooler in the cockpit. Nothing has been happening at work today, so I've just been busy re-coding my myspace, making things prettier etc. Maybe when I'm done with that I'll spruce this up a little. I really like this color scheme, but it has been the same for a really long time. You know what's funny? I kind of miss having to do all the work for the html myself. All these editor thingies are really convenient, but they really cut into my sense of accomplishment. However, if I can successfully replace my Vaio's cpu fan on my own, my sense of dork pride will return to me.|
On the subject of dork-pride, I should mention that in one-to-three months, when my new lisense tag (it's an IMAGINE plate, btw) arrives in the mail, my identity to all who drive behind me will be "JEDI ALI". On the subject of the word "dork", I'll add that every time I type it I hear Dylan Jones muttering "whale penis", and I get a little bit sad. I still haven't written him, so I guess I'm going to whatever circle of hell is reserved for fair-weather-friends, but I'm just not sure what to say.
In happier news, the show is going well. I'm really starting to settle in and have fun with it. Tonight one of the little girls in the show is replacing the boy who plays Josh before he gets "big", so that should be trippy. In an amusing side note, Steven Flaa apparently thought I was having some sort of torrid affair with Gary Maracheck. That may not make sense to many/any of you, but rest assured, it's a funny thought.
That's all for now, keep cool my babies.
Current Music: There's something operatic emenating from the bar
So I just got a nudge in my e-mail from the lovely Miss Jessica Davis reminding me that I haven't updated this in a loooooong time, so I thought I'd best stop in.|
My life has been insane the last few months, depriving me of the time and energy that maintaining a thoughtful live journal requires. More superficial forms of internet socializing (namely myspace and facebook) have taken up most of my internet time. Anyway, now that things are calmed down a bit, I shall try to post and read here more often.
So, to quickly update, I finished college a couple of weeks ago, finally completing my thesis on voyeurism and meta-cinema in Alfred Hitchcock films, a task which proved to be slightly less sexy than I'd originally envisioned, but still turned out well I think. I finished a week too late to walk in graduation, but that's still 51 weeks ahead of schedule, so I feel pretty good about it.
I'm also just finishing the second week of Big, a musical based on the 1988 Penny Marshall film of the same title. It's been well reviewed, and now that I finally feel like I know what I'm doing, is turning out to actually be a lot of fun. The material itself is sometimes lacking, but it's a really great cast, and a touching story. If any of you locals want to come see it just call me up and I'll arrange some tickets (as a part of my other job as box office mistress).
Other than that, I'm just trying to finally relax and enjoy what I've declared my "summer of fun". Since Johnny Lombard is my summer roommate, my house has been full of people and music for the last couple of weeks, which has been a delightful change from the usual quiet. Last night we managed, by sleeping head to foot, to fit four people into my bed. Addie, Nick, Huck and I dozed quite cozily despite the fact that our feet were in each other's faces. Good times.
Anyway, that's all that comes to mind for now. I promise to read my friends page today, and try to keep up with regular posting and reading from now on... but we all know how I can be.
May the force be with you all!
Current Music: racketty co-workers
I haven't updated in a long time. I wonder how many times I'll start entries that way... Finals and work and everything has been really crazy. Whatever. I hope every one is enjoying the holiday season, unfortunately, along with writing, I've also been not reading, and for that I do apologize.|
I got great gifts, so that's a big plus. I got an awesome trenchcoat from Mummy, daddy's getting me an iPod, Rosie got me a talking Yoda, and the DVD of the Vertigo tour, and Addie got me a Nancy Drew journal, along with other pretty smelling things. There was other stuff too, lots of it actually, but I'm too tired to recount it now.
I'm working full time now, as a matter of fact I am now updating from work. I'm doing the night cashier gig, which is surprisingly complicated, but I'm with people I enjoy (mostly), so that's the important thing.
I'm really excited about 2006. Normally, I get all anxious and nostalgic when New Years Eve rolls around, but I am just so ready to say goodbye to 2005. The words "maybe this year will be better than the last" have never before held such meaning for me.
Anyway, I hope every one is well and happy, and maybe I'll see you sometime in '06.
May the force be with you in the new year!
Current Music: Sweet Charity - Something Better than This